Ahh the Power of Kwanzaa
by LallyintheSky
Summary: When Mark recieves an invitation to attend a Kwanzaa celebration in Africa, he never predicted what would actually happenmeeting four girls who would change his, and the rest of his friends', lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: We (yes we, wrote this as a collaberation between myself and my friend Conrad) own none of the characters of which you recognize. All those belong to Jonathan Larson. We simply took them and used them for our own personal benefit. (Ie: entertainment) We are making no profit, and we just want you to enjoy! Read and Review, sil vous plait!

"People don't really win those damn things, do they?" said Angel.

"Apparently so," said Mark, waving a shiny golden letter, "looks like we won a trip... to Kwanzaa?"

"What the hell, Kwanzaa?" said Roger. "We don't even celebrate Kwanzaa."

"Not to mention, we're broke." chimed Mimi. "Why are you still even holding that damn envelope? Toss in the fire, we'll burn it for heat."

"No, guys! Don't you see?" Mark said excitedly, "This is a great chance! Think of the footage!"

"Great, you go" said Joanne sarcastically, "we'll wait here and do the traditional Christmas thing, right guys?" They all nodded.

"But it's for 8 people.. and you guys are the people I know, and I'm sure as hell not inviting my family." said Mark, disappointed in his friends lack of enthusiasm.

"Why don't you just find people who really want to go?" said Maureen.

"And where should I do that?" said Mark.

"Internet" they all said. So Mark rode down to the library posting a bulletin.

"GO TO KWANZAA WITH BROKE LOSERS. HOPEFULLY YOU'LL HAVE MONEY." Instantly he got a hit.

"OMG OMG OMG YOURE MARK COHEN ILL GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU. EVEN KWANZAA. I'LL BRING MY FRINEDS TOO!"

"Hmm.. laureenpotter.. interesting.." said Mark thoughtfully. He sent back a reply, and within a few days, they were ready for Kwanzaa.

Mark, Roger, Collins, and Angel were around the loft, waiting for these people who were accompanying them to Africa. Angel was painting her toenails, Collins was reading, Roger had out the guitar, and Mark was going over the lists of things they had to pack (For the 2,000th time)

"Are you sure you packed underwear Roger?"

"Yes I'm positive, now if you don't put that damn list away well.. I might have to get out my drum sticks."

"Ohh baby you know I love that." said Collins as he snuggled closer to Angel.

"Fine- but if we forget anything I'm blaming you-" he barely finished his sentence when four explosive girls burst though the door.

"OMG OMG GUYS WERE ACTUALLY IN NEW YOR- MARKK!" before she could tackle him, her friend restrained her.

"Lauren, calm the fuck down." said the one with teal hair.

"Hey kiddies, don't mind me, but what are you doing here?" said Angel, looking more concerned than scared. The spazz was desperately trying to break free, while the blonde was staring at Roger, her head to the side.

"MUST MEET MARK COHEN!" Finally, the tallest one walked over and slapped the spazz.

"Hun, you can meet Mark in one moment, but don't you think the LEAST we can do is introduce ourselves?"

"This one is feisty," said Collins

"Almost as feisty as you, lover" pointing his gaze towards Angel. She just blushed in flattery. Meanwhile the spazz just stood there in shook.

"I'm in..pain! I'm in pain and I'm hysterical!" she screamed.

"Ok, who took her drugs?" said the blonde one.

"Here this should do it," said the taller one, pulling out a syringe of animal tranquilizer.

"NO NO that won't be necessary!" intervened Mark.

"Yes it will," said the tall one. "Don't worry it wouldn't be the first time." Lauren shook her head.

"Hi, Mark? We're the ones who signed up for the Kwanzaa tickets..."

"Ok hun, calmed down enough to interact with people safely?" said the tall one. The spazz nodded like a puppy so her friends released her.

"Wow, no drugs this time." said the blonde one.

"Ok, guys, jeez do you have no social skills? We must introduce ourselves." said the teal one. "I'm Alexis, Palmer if you want. This is Lauren, La is better. (Pointed to spazz) That's Rhi, (pointed to blonde one) and that's Conrad. Well really Erin but she might eat you if you call her that (pointed to tall one)." Collins laughed.

"That sounds oddly like me," he said.

"That's the idea" said Conrad. Mimi grabbed Roger's arm.

"I don't think it's safe for you to go with these people..."

"And who are you to decide that Miss Kitty?" said the blonde one assertively. "You don't even know us- go back to your smack."

"Gosh Rhi, that's a bit harsh." said Palmer. Mimi raised an eyebrow.

"Oh no she didn't!" She moved to attack Rhi, but Angel picked her up and carried her away. "PUT ME DOWN! LET ME AT HER! WHO IS SHE TO TALK ABOUT MY DRUGS?"

"Well apparently she's part of the real world!" said Angel. "Face it hun, everyone knows you had a drug problem. I'm just glad you're getting better." She set her down a few feet away. Lauren shook her head.

"Well...this is interesting...we're going to Africa?" Mark said,

"You bet. Think of the great footage! The sunsets, the lions, the err... grass?"

"Grass?" laughed Roger. "I'm sure you can get great footage of grass- people will eat that right up."

"Only if the people are cows" said Collins Mark scowled.

"No cows. That makes me think of..._Maureen_."

"Poor baby!" said Roger. Conrad, just now joining the program,

"GRASS? I LOVE GRASS! HOORAY FOR GRASS!" as she threw conveniently placed confetti. Angel frowned.

"When does the plane leave?" Mark glanced at his watch.

"SHIT. Two hours. Anyone have money for a bus?" Conrad hastily shoved her hand into her coat pocket.

"How much is the bus?" Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Roger, I seriously want you to rethink going on this trip." Roger rolled his eyes at Mimi.

"Baby, I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself. Wait aren't you coming with me?"

"No! There are four of them, and there's you, Mark, Collins and Angel. That makes 8." She said. Rhi smirked.

"Wow...she can add."

"Oh shut up bitch- you don't know me either." scowled Mimi.

"Oh man, I thought you were going. Baby I'm going to miss you like crazy.. maybe I shouldn't go.." Mark frowned.

"Roger you have to come! You're my best friend! You keep me sane!" Lauren bit her lip.

"Damn, he sounds gay!"

"Well maybe he is gay!" said Palmer, a smile spreading across her face.

"NO! Not good..bad thoughts.. BAD THOUGHTS!" said La, on the verge of convulsions. "He's not gay..he's not gay.."

"No, I'm not Gay" said mark, with a certain twang in his voice, "besides Roger you've already got your bags packed." Angel smiled.

"Oh honey, you know if you were, we'd accept yo--"

"I'M NOT GAY!" Mark exploded. Roger stepped in.

"Look we all know sexual orientation doesn't matter. But getting to our plane before it leaves without us does. Come on, fine ill go, but we have to leave NOW."


	2. Chapter 2

The group of them walked down the street. They got to the airport (somehow or another) and handed the flight attendant their tickets. Lauren wrestled the ticket out of Angel's hand, so she ended up behind Mark, and next to Conrad.

"Wow, this is a nice plane," said Conrad. "Three seats both sides. Nice and roomy, wouldn't you say?"

"I've never been on a plane" they said.

"Oh well, then, I'll just let you guys enjoy it, considering this is like my hundredth plane ride" she said as she slipped on the headphones to her iPod.

"Whoa, hoa, whets that?" said Collins curiously, noticing the shiny technology.

"It's an Ipod, haven't you seen one?" said Conrad. Conrad and Collins got into a discussion about technology, while Mark started playing with his camera. Lauren stared at him absentmindedly, while Rhi and Angel were discussing fashion. Roger seemed very bored.

"Not in person" said Collins, turning the device around in his hand. "People where I come from are luck to get food, not fancy mp3 players."

"Well, lemme tell you about them!" as Conrad launched into her three hour lecture about Ipods and their history, features, and prices. Mark held up the camera, and jumped when he noticed that Lauren was staring at him.

"So.. uhh.. you like..err.. cameras?" said Mark, a bit taken a back.

"Like them? Filming Is My LIFE! (Pulling a Mr. Grafton)." Mark chuckled under his breath.

"I like this girl," whispered Mark to Roger.

"Are you sure? Be sure to check she's not a lesbian!"

"Conrad...Conrad...CONRAD!"

"WHAT?" she yelled.

"He spoke to me!" Lauren squealed.

"Charming," said Conrad, not really giving a damn. She turned back to Collins. "Now as I Was saying, the 3rd generation came in 5MB models.."

"Alexis, guess what!"

"Huh? What?" she said, being awoken from her nap.

"He spoke to me!"

"Ohh.. hmm.. great" she said, leaning over and falling back asleep. Roger looked at Mark.

"I take back the bit about being a lesbian...maybe a stalker..." Mark smiled,

"I like stalkers!" Rhi snorted.

"They're made for each other," she said to Angel. "So you made your skirt out of a bedsheet?"

"Oh yes, it was a very fine bedsheet too. Taken from the trash of a hotel that was closing. That's were I got my mattress. It took a while to get all the stains out..but the cleanness didn't last long one he moved in." she said pointing to Collins as Rhi burst out into laughter. Roger scowled, and went back to his notebook. Mark opened up his man bag, and pulled out an apple.

"Want one?" he asked. Lauren started laughing hysterically, causing all of her friends to look at her.

"Oh my god hun, just forget about the apple this one time." said Palmer, rolling her eyes.

"I cant!" panted La, "Apples have been ruined forever!"

"Hmm..well this one is fine, sure you don't want a bite?" said Mark, causing Lat to go into another outburst. Roger turned to Rhi.

"Does she have...a mental handicap?"

"Surprising no," said Rhi.

"Hey!" said La as she hit Rhi in the arm. "Just because I'm stu- OOH I HAVE CANDY!" exclaimed La as she dug thru her purse. Everyone subdued for awhile. (Conrad was still giving her speech, Roger had pulled out a walkman, and Mark was sleeping. Angel had started reading a fashion magazine, and Lauren was staring at Mark.) She looked at Rhi. "He's really cute when he sleeps..."

"Well isn't that just great! Look, La, don't take this the wrong way, but I DONT CARE! Go back to your little dream world" said Rhi as she yanked a notebook from her carry-on. Conrad, who was now out of breath from her lecture, reached down to pull out her laptop.

"Damn, girl, if I wasn't gay I'd marry you just for your technology!" Conrad chuckled as she began to flaunt the features of her most prized possession. Angel looked over at Collins.

"Ahem?"

"Go back to reading darling, I don't get this show every day!" said Collins playfully. A few hours later, the plane began to land. Mark got his camera ready, while everyone else packed up their bags. Lauren squealed.

"WE'RE IN AFRICA!"

"No, I thought we were in Oregon." said Rhi sarcastically.

"OHH! WHERE ARE THE GIRAFFES!" squeed Conrad. The motley crew made their way through the security, and then everyone turned to Mark.

"Where's the hotel?"

"Err..hotel?" said Mark.

"Where the hell are we sleeping?"

"You didn't book a hotel?"

"I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Oh why the hell did I come here?"

"Damnit!"

"QUIET QUIET!" said Conrad. "Gawd you guys are so dumb." She lead the crew threw the busy streets of the city. Finally they arrived at the end of the main road and at the stairs of a huge Marriot hotel.

"Daamnn.. is there anywhere you can go anymore that isn't Americanized?" said Angel.

"Uhh.. this is great, we have a hotel, but how the hell are we gunna pay for this?" said Roger.

"Ahh, you must believe my dear friend. We'll be staying here compliments of my parent's savings account" she said with that evil sparkle in her eye.

"Oh my, hun you cant be serious.." said Palmer disappointed.

"Well do you want to sleep in the cow fields or luxury down comforters, cable TV, and internet access?" said Conrad.

"TV- done deal" said Roger as he began to drag his bag up the massive flight of stares. They got to the front desk and booked four rooms courtesy of a perfectly forged signature. Lauren laughed.

"What would we do without Conrad?"

"You'd sleep in the cow pens that's what" said Conrad as she again took the lead up to the 14th floor.

"You all know why they don't put 13th floors in hotels right?"

"Er...13 is unlucky?" Roger ventured.

"Bingo." said Conrad. "They always make 12th to 14th cause people are afraid to stay on the 13th floor. So even though technically we're on the 13th floor people are just too stupid to realize that." Rhi grinned.

"13th floor...this will make an interesting week." She shot a wicked glance at Roger.

"Oh babe don't get any ideas yet." said Angel.

"Oh let the girl dream honey," said Collins as he gave Angel a comforting hug. "Everyone knows what happens in Africa stays in Africa."

"Conrad, I swear, if I see you dragging a baby giraffe up the elevator..." Lauren laughed.

"Baby giraffe... AWWW! And I even could because baby giraffes weigh an average of 230 lbs at birth and stand seven feet tall and the weight capacity of this elevator is.."

"CONRAD!" Rhi cut off, "WE DONT CARE!" The ding sounded and the door slid open revealing an overly extravagant hallway filled with decorations.

"This way, everyone. We're rooms 1427, 1428, 1429, and 1430. Everyone know whose rooming with whom?" Lauren giggled.

"Ma--Rhi!" she blushed.

"Well I call Palmer. She's probably the only one who can bear my snoring." said Conrad as she unlocked 1428. Roger snorted, and coughed something that sounded oddly like, "stalker," Mark elbowed him.

"And I'm with Roger. Get dressed up, we have a start of Kwanzaa celebration at 7."

"Ohh yea, with the time change, what time is it now?" said Palmer, wondering when she could take her next nap. Conrad whipped out her new cell phone as Collins stared in awe.

"This says it should be around 2:39pm." Conrad walked into her room, set down her bag, and checked the clock. "Yup, I was right." Lauren was trying to fix her hair and pick an outfit.

"Do you think this dress is too slinky for a holiday party? Maybe I'll wear the suit...oh but that makes me look like a man...what about a skirt...no, that makes me look like I have huge thighs..." Rhi just rolled her eyes as she caressed a brush through her soft curls.

"Just don't show up naked and I don't care." Roger sat at the phone and called home.

"Hey Mimi, just calling to tell you we got here safely...you're probably asleep...don't bother calling back...I'll talk to you soon, I love you!" Mark held up a shirt.

"Is this too wrinkled? Roger, that's probably going cost close to twenty bucks with the long distance." said Mark disapprovingly.

"Well, that girl is a good forger, right? Oh and the shirt looks fine."

"Good," said Mark as he perfectly laid it over the back of the chair in the room. "Do you think Ill need the scarf, or this sweater?"

"Judging by the fact that it's about 93 degrees out..no." said Rodger as he slipped on a tank top and shorts.

"Oh come one, don't tempt that girl!" said Mark as Rodger turned to walk out.

"What, you like it too?" said Rodger as he flexed his muscles. Lauren was trying to flatten her hair.

"Rhi, I look like shi--" there was a knock on the door. Lauren opened it. "Yeah?" she asked. Roger grinned.

"Got any soap?" he asked, coming in. She raised an eyebrow.

"RHI, DO WE HAVE SOAP?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK WE ARE PIGS? OF COURSE WE HAVE SO-" screamed Rhi from the bathroom walking towards the front door."Ohh.. Hi Rodger" said Rhi as she jumped behind the door frame realizing she was only wearing a cami and booty shorts, "I still need to change..err.. here is your soap" she said practically throwing it at him as she ran back to the bathroom to change. Roger laughed.

"Thanks," he walked out. Lauren went back to the dresser.

"Nice Rhi."

"Whaaattt.." said Rhi "I think I handled that quite well."

"Yeah," said La "tell that to the doorframe you just humped"

"Oh shut up" said Rhi as she slammed the door to dawn her most favorite skirt for the night's festivities. Roger walked back in, and choked.

"HOLY SHIT, MARK, WHAT'D YOU SPRAY?"

"Sex Panther." said Mark. "What? I think it compliments me quite nicely." Rodger, still holding his nose

"Yeah, great for attracting panthers, but no woman. Damn it Mark, no wonder Maureen left you. Id leave you too if smelled like that." There was a knock at their door. Roger yelled through the door. "BARRACADE YOUR NOSE!" he said, and opened it. It was Collins.

"Oh man, Rodger, you do this?" said Collins, struggling for air.

"Nope- that's that genius over there who thinks Sex Panther is actually good for something." said Rodger. Angel came to the door, in a corset and a brown wig. "GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY!"

"Fine! If you guys can't appreciate my choice of cologne I'll just leave!" said Mark as he stormed towards the door.

"GOOD!" said Rodger "Go air yourself out." Right then Lauren walked up to Mark and hugged him.

"I think you smell AMAZING!"

"Too close..Too CLOSE!" squirmed Mark. Lauren pulled away.

"Damn...you are gay aren't you!" she stormed off. Roger snorted.

"No! Lauren! Come back! I'm just bruised from an emotional smackdown!" said Mark as he chased her down the hall.

"Wait you're not gay?" said Lauren cheerfully and poking her head out of the doorway. Rhi rolled her eyes,

"LAUREN, PUT YOUR PANTS ON AND GET DRESSED!" La looked down

"HOLY SHIT IM NOT WEARING PANTS! RHI WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!" she cried as she ran inside, "I'M SCARRED FOR FUCKING LIFE!" Angel laughed. "Mark...you might want to wash some of that off dear," she said, walking back to their room.

"Let the nurse clean you up, dear." said Angel, leading Mark into her suite. It was then that Conrad walked out if her room. She was sporting an actual Swahilian wrap/skirt and some interesting tribal jewelry. "Damn, where'd you get those rocks?" said Angel, eying Conrad necklace.

"EBay. One must always do her research." said Conrad, sporting a smug smile. "Oh, and I told Palmer she could sleep for now. It's only like 3:30 and we don't have to leave until like 5 right?" Mark grinned.

"I can't smell THAT bad! She didn't notice!"

"No," said Conrad, "but after spending weeks with my rich cousins and their families I've learned it's always best to be polite when some reeks. Cause lemme be the first to say that money cannot buy body scents, but it can buy deodorant and perfume, something some rich people just don't understand." she added. Angel laughed, and dragged Mark into her room, to try and get him to smell more like a suave man and less like a sanitation engineer. It was then that Palmer emerged from the room, a bit groggy and disoriented.

"Ohh..heyy.. what's all the RUCKUS?" said Palmer.

"Oh hun just go back to sleep," said Conrad practically pushing her friend back into the room. "Sleep, so you're not cranky."

"BUT IM NOT AN OLD PERSON OR CHILD!" screamed Palmer.

"HUN! SLEEP! NOW!" said Conrad, now sounding frustrated, as she slammed the door shut. When she could hear the subtle heavy breathing of Palmer asleep, Conrad sighed of relief.

"What's the big deal for her to sleep now?" said Collins.

"Cause with my snoring, she probably wont sleep much tonight."


	3. Chapter 3

A few hours later the gang was finally ready. Conrad again took the lead and took everyone down the elevator to a stretch hummer waiting for them.

"Oh my," said Angel "what all comes with this?"

"A good time and a rough ride" said Conrad, stepping in first.

"Oh la la" said Collins as he nudged Angel. Lauren was frantically patting her hair, trying to keep it flat. She'd finally decided on a skirt and shirt, but she still felt out of place. Rhi looked so beautiful, and Palmer just looked herself in a multitude of colors. Frustrated, Conrad whipped out a can of hair spray from her bag and sprayed it all over Lauren, including over her glasses and in her mouth.

"There, that should keep it down for a bit, don't cha think?" said Conrad, shooting out a glare.

"HAIRSPRAY! MY EYES!" Mark screamed. "HAIRSPRAY IN MY EYES! I MIGHT GO BLIND!"

"Oh shut the fuck up," said Roger, "You're already half blind anyways, just look at those thick glasses. Maybe that hairspray will get the rest of the job done." Lauren gasped.

"Oh god you killed him!"

"No! I can still breathe!" said Mark reassuringly.

"Can you see me? Does anybody have water and a paper towel?" she took off his glasses. Collins looked around.

"I've got Vodka..."

"Oh baby, don't waste my Vodka." coaxed Angel.

"You're right baby, that's for us later." said Collins with a wink. Lauren frowned.

"Mark, try not to blink, it'll connect your eyelashes." Rhi rolled her eyes, while Roger started to laugh.

"Eyelashes are the least of my worries right now, thanks." said mark, trying to regain his sense of sight.

"Well if your eyelashes connect together, you won't be able to open your eyes!"

"Oh, really?" said Mark, now suddenly sitting with his eyes wide open.

"Here.." said Palmer, reluctant to give up her bottle. "Its purified mineral water from Canada, please don't waste it.

"Thanks," said La as she pulled a lense cloth from her purse. She slowly began to wipe the hairspray off Marks glasses and face. Right as the hummer went over a ditch, La's hand jammed right into Marks eye. "Oh shit!" she gasped.

"MY EYES!" screamed Mark. Rhi lost it; she started to gasp for air, while Roger was wiping tears from his eyes.

"POOR BABY!" screamed Roger, before bursting back into guffaws.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" She put a hand to her mouth.

"Here, darling, lemme take care of this" said Angel in a comforting tone as she took the cloth and water from La and began to work her magic. Lauren slumped back in her seat, bright red.

"Oh hun," said Conrad, just barely giggling as usual. "We're almost there anyways. JAMBIN TUK PERE!" she screamed to the driver. He immediately turned right and pulled right up to the party sight.

"Whoa, you speak Swahili?" said Palmer, "And you didn't tell me!"

"I learned some of it for the trip. Again, I must be prepared cause I know you guys won't be." Conrad said, with that same smug smile she always wore. They all got out of the car, and Lauren hung back. Mark was blinking, trying to regain his vision. His left eye was red and slightly puffy.

Oh...god...I'm sorry. I should have...this is all my fault..."

Oh no, don't worry about it. Stuff like this always happens to me anyways." Mark said, trying his best to put on a happy face.

Conrad stuffed some paper bills into the pocket of the driver and told him to wait here until they came back, unless he had something better to do. She also said he could join the party, all in Swahili of course. They went into the party. Mark's vision had apparently returned, because he gasped. "HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, LOOK! A MENORAH!" Collins just shook his head.

"We're all the way out here in the middle of Africa and Mark still wants to celebrate Hanukkah!" Angel laughed and said

"Hey, Mark, did you bring your camera to document the Kwanzaan menorah?" Mark felt his blood run cold.

"SHIT THE CAMERA! I LEFT IT IN THE ROOM!" Lauren laughed, and handed him hers.

"I knew you would."

"Oh my goodness, how can I thank you?" said Mark.

"Oh, just give me a reason to kick Rhi out of my suite tonight... I MEAN!" said Lauren suddenly blushing a shade of deep pink realizing she had just revealed her innermost fantasy.

"Hmm..well Ill see if I can arrange that" said Mark playfully. Rhi snorted, while Conrad began to speak to the man who seemed to be in charge. Lauren laughed, and Mark turned to film. Checking no one saw her, she did a dance and squealed. However, Roger caught her little dance.

"Sweets, don't get your hopes up," whispered Rodger, "Maureen told me he wasn't really even that good." She threw some grapes at him. "Hey hey!" said Rodger "I'm just saying.." Before anything more could be exchanged, Conrad butted in.

"The man over there says the fire is going to be lit in like 15 minutes, so if we really wanna get the feel for this celebration we should head down there."

"Are you positive that's what he said?" asked Mark.

"Do I look unsure?" Conrad shot back. The group of them walked down, Lauren standing in between Rhi and Palmer.

"He was flirting with me," she sighed. The pair looked at each other and shook their heads. Rhi turned to La and said,

"Hun, I'm just gunna spend the night in Palmer and Conrad's suite, mkay?"

"WHAT! I'll be alone?" said Lauren, sounding scared for her life. Palmer just laughed and said,

"From the way this night is going, probably not." Lauren blushed horribly.

"I...no...that's...crazy. I nearly blinded him! It's...nothing's happening." Mark continued filming.

Conrad, say hi!" Rhi and Palmer just looked at each other.

"Riiiiggghhhhttttt.."

"YOU GET THAT FUCKING CAMERA OUTTA MY DAMN FACE OR ILL SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" screamed Conrad. Mark jumped back,

"I'm..I'm sorry.. I didn't..I didn't know.."

"Don't take it personally," said Palmer, "she doesn't deal well with being on camera."

"Ohh.. ohh.. umm ok, none of you guys are like that than?"

"Nope, we've got Conrad to act for all of us." smiled Rhi. Lauren took off her shoe and hit Conrad with it.

"Be nice! First you nearly blind him, and then you yell at the poor thing!"

"Psshh.. like I care anyways" said Conrad as she went to engage in conversation with one of the merchants.

"Dammnnn...she is feisty" said Collins. Angel scowled, and drank some wine.

"Fine stuff they have here," said Angel. "Too bad we can't take it home." Rhi stood awkwardly alone, while Palmer stood in front of the camera, talking about her Kwanzaa experiences. Roger looked at her.

"Hey there," said Rodger, as he slowed moved closer to Rhi, "What's wrong?"

"I'm just lonely," said Rhi quietly. "Palmers always right there, Conrad's so confident she can do any fucking thing, and La's just always flirting. I mean, where does that leave me?"

"Aw, don't be down babe. We're just here to have fun- once in a life time deal. Let's just enjoy it, kay?" Lauren frowned.

"Aww Roger come on...don't lead her on..." she sighed. Mark turned the camera to her.

"And La, apparently enjoying some type of foreign cheese..." Right as he said that, Lauren gagged.

"THE CHEESE! THE CHEESE!" she said, gasping for air.

"Does anyone know the Heimlich?" said Palmer. Conrad popped out of no where and began the Heimlich. After a few punch La coughed up the cheese.

"Uhhh.. err..thanks hun." said Lauren, more embarrassed than ever.

"IS there anything you don't know?" said Collins.

"Hmm.. well, I don't know the state dog of Wyoming, and I don't know what the colors of the flag of Nepal stand for, so sure there are plenty of things I don't know." said Conrad. Roger walked over.

"Did you just film the entire time she choked?"

"Was there something better I could have done?" said Mark blindly.

"Ohh.. I dunno, maybe try to SAVE HER FUCKING LIFE! Gosh Mark you're such an ass." said Rodger as he walked away. A tall man stood on a wooden stand and began speaking a language that no one (except Conrad) understood.

"He's blessing this ceremony," said Conrad in a hushed tone "Stand still and quite until you see everyone start to move again, don't wanna disrespect these people." After he was done speaking, someone got on a ladder and began to light a candle. Mark grinned.

"Yep. Just like Hanukkah."

"Only a completely different culture and religion." said Conrad.

"I don't think she likes me.." said Mark sadly.

"No, she's just paranoid about being photographed in any way, and you tried to do that." said Palmer.

"But I didn't know!" pleaded Mark.

"Oh don't worry, tomorrow she'll realize she was a bitch and she'll apologize." reassured Palmer.

"Really?" said Mark, a little smile dancing across his face.

"Always works that way" smiled Palmer. Lauren stood next to Rhi.

"I've fucked this up majorly. I nearly blinded him, and I almost died."

"No hun, we hardly ever go anywhere without you nearly dying anyways." said Rhi. It was then that all the candles were lit and a cheer fell over the crowd. The fire pit lit up in a great ball of sparks and flames and everyone began to dance. A few hours later and many sore feet and empty stomachs, the crew decided to head back to the hotel. Conrad had bought some food and made great friends with one of the older merchants to get a great deal.

"Come on guys, Ill cook you something when we get back." said Conrad.

"She can cook?" said Collins.

"She's freaking Superman." said Rhi.

"Without the tights" said Conrad. They began to pile back in the car, but Lauren stopped Mark.

"Uh..how's your eye?" she asked, slightly pink.

"All the better to see you with, my dear." he said playfully has Lauren giggled and turned even more pink. They piled in the car, and passed around the Vodka. Conrad and Palmer looked at each other. They knew where this was going.

"I think Ill pass, I've got to work when I get back.." said Conrad.

"Oh come on," tempted Collins, swinging the bottle under her nose, "you work too much anyways.." as he threw back another drink. "And you, little miss?" referring to Palmer.

"Straight Edge, no thanks." she said confidently.

"Straight-what?" said Collins, sounding slightly drunk.

"Straight Edge," corrected Palmer "No underage smoking, drugs, alcohol, and no sex before marriage."

"Sounds more like No Fun to me.." said Collins, squeezing Angel closer as they giggled together. Rhi, however, was throwing shots back with the rest of them. Lauren snorted.

"Rhi...you're gonna get sick."

"Has that ever stopped me before?" said Rhi, "besides I don't have to go to school tomorrow.. or do I? Ahh who gives a flying fuck give me another!" By the time they reached the hotel, Rhi was passed out on Palmer's lap and they were already for bed. Palmer tried to wake her up, but Rhi just pushed her away. Roger sighed.

"I'll carry her upstairs."

"Aww thank you." said Palmer pushing Rhi over towards Roger.

"We won't need your help, thanks" Conrad said kindly to Roger throwing Rhi over his shoulder. "Don't want her to think you're leading her on now do you?"

"Oh Conrad don't be a bitch. Rogers just a nice guy" said Palmer.

"Really, Ill take her, its no big deal.." said Roger quietly. Realizing she was defeated, Conrad reluctantly handed Rhi over to Roger as they headed up the stairs. Conrad again thanked and tipped the driver. She told him shed call in the morning. They reached up to the 13th floor. Rhi was placed on Conrad's bed, mainly because Conrad knew she wasn't going to sleep and they all secretly did want to give La and Mark their 15 minutes together.

"Does anyone want food?" said Conrad, wide awake in contrast to the sleepiness of the rest of the group. Lauren got out of the car, and began to walk towards the door. She tripped in a pothole.

"Ohh baby I just want you right now." said Collins to Angel.

"Ohh baby I love it when you talk to me like that.." Angel coaxed as they both practically ran to their room. "Sure they won't want food?" said Conrad. "I swear, hun, for someone so smart you can be so stupid sometimes." said Palmer shaking her head.

"But they don't want food?" said Conrad again.

"We're not hungry.." they all said

"Good Night all." Roger and Mark went off to their suites, La went to hers, and Palmer and Conrad went to check on Rhi. After everyone had fallen asleep, Conrad smiled insanely has she heard footsteps creep over towards her side of the hall, then a door slowly creek open, and then an enormous squee.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, which started sharply at 7:30 am for Conrad, she began to lay out a plan for their day. After cooking breakfast enough for 8 people, Conrad set out the plates and did the dishes. Then she went on when of her compulsive cleaning sprees cleaning everything she could without waking Palmer. After refolding every item in her suitcase, Roger came over and knocked on their door. It was about 9am then, so Conrad served Roger his breakfast. Fresh pancakes from locally wheat, fresh farm eggs, and a hunk of meat that was perfect for bacon.

"Wait, you mean to tell me you can cut bacon from regular meat?" said Roger between mouthfuls. "Yup, there's lots of things I can do, but unfortunately for you you're not one of them." replied Conrad jokingly. Next, Mark and La came over to check on Rhi.

"Oh good lord, Conrad, you didn't have to do all this...is she still out?" Lauren asked, sitting on a chair.

"Oh no, you know I always cook like this. And as far as I can tell yes. She's moaned a couple times but I think it's just cause she was having a good dream..if you know what I mean." shooting a direct look at Roger. Lauren looked over at her.

"Well lord knows she'll have a hangover," she said. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Uhh actually I'm good. I need to go find my drugs, I think I have a pill for Rhi's hangover.." said Conrad as she scuttled over toward her suitcase. There, she pulled out a bag of every imaginable OTC medicine, including sleeping and unsleeping pills and of course, one to help with the hangover. After popping two pills to keep her awake, she brought over her stash. "Anyone else need anything?" Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"Holy. Shit."

"Oh look La, here's one of those 72 hours pills for you!" Lauren turned very red. Mark choked midway through a bite of pancake. "What, you need one too?" said Conrad playfully. "Ohh and sorry about my little outburst yesterday." Roger started laughing at the look on Mark's face. "Mood swings...yeah not something I'm particularly proud of." said Conrad bashfully. Lauren shook her head.

"Is there a coffee machine in here?"

"Here hun, I brewed a pot of local stuff. I hate it, but it's supposed to be good." said Conrad. Roger looked surprised.

"Wait, you don't drink coffee, how do you stay up?"

"Those pills do come in handy, and they're less dangerous than crystal meth so.." said Conrad as she swept up the empty plates. "Should someone go check on Collins and Angel?"

"No." said Mark and Roger at the same time.

"Ok" chuckled Conrad.

"Mark, do you want coffee?" Lauren asked, as she poured half the sugar bowl in hers.

Roger laughed. "What, are you two married now?" he muttered.

"NO!" Mark said defensively. "I mean.. err.. no."

"Just don't make me wear a dress and I don't care" said Conrad as she scrubbed the plates. Lauren raised an eyebrow, oblivious that Roger had said something. "You don't like coffee?"

"Ohh umm.. sure..coffee..yeah.." said Mark, now a bit absent minded. La, still oblivious,

"Ok, do you like it black?"

"Like your women?" chimed Roger.

"Does she look black?" said Mark pointing to Lauren and she fell into a lovely salmon color.

"Nope, she looks pink," chuckled Roger. Lauren put her head in her hands.

"Aww I think its cute." said Mark as he walked by her, running his finger down her cheek (the front one). Rhi began to stir.

"Ugh...what the hell did I drink?"

"Try about twenty shots of Vodka hun" said Conrad. "Breakfast?"

"Gah..no way..how bout a bucket instead?"

"The bathroom is about ten feet away from you, get there yourself." said Conrad as she put away the last of the plates. Roger walked over to her.

"How are you feeling?" Conrad opened her mouth to say something, but Lauren threw a bagel at her and shook her head. Distracted by the yummy bagel, Conrad began to spread some goat cheese and enjoy her own breakfast. La, now cuddled close near Mark, watched as Rodger comforted Rhi in her time of hangover. Collins came into the room, watched Rhi throwing up in the garbage can, saw all the food Conrad had prepared and realized that Mark and La were cuddling.

"Holy fuck I missed a lot." Conrad, mouth stuffed with bagel, said

"Wup wou wid..bweakfwast?" and pointed toward the full plates on the table.

"Why not," he sat down. Conrad swallowed her bagel and said.

"I've glasses for more vodka, or orange juice if you're feeling less daring." Collins just laughed and said

"Mix em up together, and pour it over the rocks." Roger grabbed a bottle of water and started to make Rhi drink.

"Conrad, what'd you do with those pills?" he asked.

"Uhh which ones? They are categorized you know.."

"The ones to make her feel better!" La sighed.

"Ugh, why's he doing this? He's got Mimi...he's going to get her hopes up and then..."

"Ohh those..uhh..let's see.." said Conrad as she dug through her pharmacy on wheels. "Hun, calm down, what happens here stays here. Ohh here we go!" exclaimed Conrad as she pulled out a bag of bright red pills. "Two of those should do it, and as Palmer woken up yet?" Roger took them.

"Come on, swallow these, you should stop being sick. Come on," he said, holding back her hair. Lauren sighed.

"I can see it...she's getting attached...he's going to break her..." she muttered.

"Mmmrph." Palmer replied, putting a pillow over her head.

"Ahh wake up sleepy head. Everyone else is here. Wake up...I have food.. GOD DAMN IT WAKE UP PALMER!" screamed Conrad, hitting her with a pillow. Lauren laughed, and drank some coffee. Palmer sat up.

"I hate you. Where's the food?"

"On the table genius." said Conrad, playfully sticking her tongue out at Palmer. "Want OJ?" asked Conrad.

"Duhh.." said Palmer as she stumbled over to the table. Lauren stood up.

"Conrad, let me do something. Please."

"Nope. My Room, My Bill, My Funds, You sit." replied Conrad.

"Soo.." said Collins, stretching back in his chair, "What's our plans for the day?"

"Well, I figured once Rhi feels a little better, we could go on a little wildlife tour so Mark could get some footage and we could enjoy the scenery of this place. That will put us back here around four, giving us two hours to pack up before we leave for the airport at six sharp." said Conrad as she traced the route on the map. Collins just shook his head,

"This girl is insane." Conrad just looked and laughed,

"What can I say, the Conrad never sleeps."

"Oh hun did you not sleep again?" said Palmer, "that's really unhealthy."

"Hun, I don't care. Exercise Regularly, Eat Right, Die Anyways." replied Conrad.

"Wait, what do we need the airport for?" said Rodger. "We need to stop there to get our boarding passes for the flight back. So I guess we don't really need to pack up, but it would be a good idea to help everyone get organized." Conrad said. She never rested unless everything was perfect..no wonder she couldn't sleep in this world. Lauren frowned.

"I'm going to get mauled by some type of animal, I know it."

"Hun, we're taking that Hummer. Real scientists take that vehicle into lion dens. We'll be fine." assured Conrad. Lauren looked her in the eye.

"Look who you're talking to."

"Besides Ill protect you," said Mark, now slightly blushing himself.

"Ha! From what? You were nearly killed by hairspray." laughed Roger. Everyone had to laugh, even La.

"I'm sorry, but it's true." The door burst open.

"Good morning everyone!" Angel said, bursting in wearing a leopard print outfit and lime green safari hat.

"Darling, you look perfect for our day's event!" exclaimed Collins has Angel came and sat on his lap and took a bite of the food left on Collin's plate.

"Ohh, Angel, that must be cold now, let me put it in the microwave for just a moment." said Conrad. Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Conrad, do you ever sit?" she asked, getting another cup of coffee. "Need anything, Mark?"

"Only when my feet hurt, then I stand again when my ass hurts." laughed Conrad spanking her own behind.

"Ohh no I'm fine thanks" said Mark as he fussed with his glasses.

"Ugh what are you doing?" she rolled her eyes, looking at him fumble with his glasses. Angel smiled.

"They're cute."

"Ha, I know, but not as cute as us." said Collins, playfully kissing Angel on the cheek. Rhi rolled her eyes.

"They make me ill." she took down some more water.

"Who?" said Rodger.

"Personally, I've never seen Collins any happier." Rhi shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm not saying they're not happy..." she trailed off.

"Oh please don't pull that anti-gay shit now.. other wise you might not get this other pill" taunted Rodger with the bright red pill that would be Rhi's salvation. Lauren sighed.

"Oh why does he have to do that to her..." she complained quietly.

"That's not what I meant," Rhi said, snatching the pill from him.

"Quiet..quiet.." whispered Mark, slowly moving closer to La's face. Rhi sucked down the last of her pills and went to puke some more. Conrad, still being in charge, assertively addressed the group.

"Guys, if we're gunna go on the tour, we should get moving. If any of you want showers or to change clothes you should probably go ahead now."

"What about you?" said Roger.

"Me? Well I've got lots to clean up and beds to make and I've got to press my clothes for tomorrow, and since I took my shower at 5am, we can be ready in about an hour." said Conrad.

"Wait, don't they have maids to make the beds?" said Collins.

"Yeah, but I'd rather do it myself.." Conrad trailed off before returning to work. The group slowly disassembled. They met down in the lobby around noon. Conrad began reading the itinerary, but no one really paid attention.

"No booze this time," Lauren warned.

"Well, better not tell that one about this." said Collins, flashing a full bottle of Stole's to Angel, making her eyes light up.

"Later, baby, later.." said Angel as she rubbed Collin's back. They piled in the car.

"Oh, Conrad, no hairspray incidents this time, alright?"

"Ha-ha, you guys used all mine up last night, all I've got now that can be considered a weapon is pepper spray" said Conrad. Lauren shielded Mark's face.

"Ahh, no need to shield him, La. You're not pregnant yet, so no need for punishment." said Conrad. Lauren turned bright red. Rhi sat up straight.

"WHAT! I MISSED THIS DETAIL!"

"Well that's what you get for getting drunk and passing out, my dear" said Conrad as she pointed her finger at Rhi. "This, kiddies, is why booze is bad."

"Shut up," Rhi laughed. "What happened!" she was very eager to hear, while Lauren went rather pink.

"I don't wanna embarrass anyone, but those two had very intense fun last night." giggled Conrad.

"Ohh really Mark?" said Collins. Lauren put her face in her hands. She couldn't even look at Mark, she was pretty sure he hated her now. But much to her surprise, Mark actually scooted closer to her, almost hugging her.

"Yup," Mark replied, "and I wouldn't have missed it for anything." They all started to giggle, while Lauren nearly threw up in the car.

"Wha..."

"Oh come on, you can't seriously not remember?" said Mark.

"Well no, but--" she blushed.

"New subject, as fascinating as this is, but take a look at this wildlife. LOOK A GIRAFFE! GIRAFFE!" screamed Conrad as her friends restrained her from jumping out of the car.

"Anybody have my tranquilizer?" Lauren snorted.

"It's in my purse," said Conrad, "BUT LOOKIE A GIRAFFE! MARK FILM!" Conrad was now petting an invisible giraffe.

"Err...where'd I put that thing...I know I brought it..." he looked around. Palmer nodded.

"Yeah La, he's as bad as you."

"Oh shut up," said La as she hit Palmer.

"GAH! GIVE ME MY PURSE!" screamed Conrad. She pulled out a fancy 8 mp digital camera and video recorder. Conrad began to snap shots of the giraffe like crazy as the rest of crew just looked in awe.

"That girl's pockets must run as long as her to-do list." speculated Angel.

"GIRAFFES! COME HERE GIRAFFES! Damn, why must they have no voice box so there can't be a mating call.." said Conrad, still snapping pictures. Suddenly, the giraffes seemed to see the shine of the flash, and looked as though they were ready to charge the vehicle. "

Oh shit..." Roger said.

"GIRAFFES! MY PEOPLE!" screamed Conrad. "Let me out of this damn sin wagon." said Conrad as she whipped over her seatbelt and hopped over the side of Hummer. She ran around the giraffes in circles, snapping pictures and tempting them with carrots which she had brought.

"CONRAD GET YOUR ASS BACK IN HERE! YOURE GOING TO BE KILLED!" screamed La. Rhi began to laugh, while Angel nodded.

"Honey, you can't die, we need you to pay our bills!"

"I won't die! Giraffes are herbivores. Did you know they love carrots?" she said cheerfully feeding one to a baby giraffe. La hid her face behind her hands.

"I can't watch...she's going to get mauled...that's it, we're done for..."

"Ok giraffes, I think my friends need me now. Ill come back and visit, ok?" said Conrad, now sounding sad. The baby giraffe nodded, as if he understood, and ran his tongue down Conrad's face. Conrad gave him the last of her carrots and ran back to vehicle. "See guys now wasn't that fun?" said Conrad, now beaming that a giraffe had just licked her. Lauren looked up.

"Is she alive? Is she bleeding?"

"Hun, I'm fine. A bit sticky, but other than that I've never been better!" said Conrad. The group continued on their little safari, stopping every now and then to look at more animals. Roger frowned.

"Why does that elephant look like it's ready to charge the car?"

"Hmm, well considering its ears are back, eyebrow slightly bent in, and front leg curved in, he is most certainly ready to charge the car! Oh wait.. shit.. FLOOR IT!" said Conrad "That might just kill us- elephants have been known to trample entire villages out here!" Lauren started screaming and threw herself on the floor, while the driver was oblivious to what Conrad had said. Conrad quickly turned to the driver and exchanged a few frantic Swahili words with him. In no time the gas pedal was pushed to the ground and the car sped away. Rhi, the lightest of the group, went flying sideways as the accelerator was thrust down.

"Rhi stay put!" said Palmer clutching her dear friend

"Holy shit, is that a rhino?" Collins asked.

"He's got a horn as big as yours!" exclaimed Angel as Collins just smiled. The others blocked the image from their minds, while Roger frowned.

"Damn, that would hurt..."

"Roger- you're straight. YOURE STRAIGHT!" screamed Rhi.

"Anyways!" said Conrad, "I think were gunna turn around now, I mean it is almost 3 and by the time we get back.."

"Why do we all have to go get these return passports?" Angel asked. Mark looked at the letter he kept in his pocket.

"According to this, there's another celebration, but it's not necessary for us to attend. Just as long as we go to the final one, since we went to the first one."

"If we want to get back in America we have to get them." said Conrad. And today is just the most convenient day to get them.. or I suppose I could swing by and get them late tonight.."

"Conrad, honestly, let someone else do something for once!" Palmer said soothingly.

"No, I'm fine my dearest. And besides I'm the one who deals with airports anyways." Conrad said as she smiled. "So I guess we can stay out here. Does anyone like have to shit or anything? Cause there is a big tree over there." said Conrad.

"TREE? TREE!" said Palmer, jumping out of the car and running to go hug the tree. Lauren laughed. Suddenly, a large bird began swooping down upon them. "PALMER, MOVE!" Rhi shouted, while La dove to the floor of the car.

"Oh no, we're gonna die, we're gonna die..."

"No we'll be fine." said Conrad as the bird came swooping down for another pick. "Just stay on the floor!" said Conrad, grabbing the animal tranquilizer. "I'll handle this!"

"No that's for Lauren!" said Rhi from under the seat! Conrad bent down and whispered "I have more don't worry" with a wink.

"MARK, GET DOWN!" Lauren yelled; as Mark was attempting to film this, as he'd just found his camera. As the bird flew down for the third time, Conrad shoved the needle into the stomach of the bird. It let out a terrifying screech, flew away a few feet, and then fell down. Palmer looked up

"Oh my God You killed it!" said Palmer on the verge of hysterics.

"No, its tranquilizer, and a very weak dose. It will wake up in about ten minutes." said Conrad.

"What if it gets eaten?" said Angel.

"Well..err..sucks to be him" said Conrad. Lauren peeked up.

"Is it safe?"

"As far as I can tell." said Conrad. She spoke with the driver once again and soon they were on their way. They drove around for quite sometime, and Collins looked at his watch.

"Does it seem that this is taking a lot longer than it should?"

"What do you mean?" said Angel.

"It is getting late," said Palmer, "and I don't think we wanna be out here when it gets dark."

"And I don't remember those," Roger said, pointing to a set of mountains.

"Are you sure this driver knows where he is going?" said La.

"I'll ask." said Conrad. After a few words, Conrad turned around. "He says we have to stop at the little town up here for gas. Then we'll turn around and go home." Lauren frowned.

"You don't think these people are cannibals do you?"

"He didn't say anything about cannibals.." Conrad mentioned.

"I wanna go home. Or at least be back in the hotel." Lauren scowled. Rhi rolled her eyes.

"Grow up, would you?"

"But I wanna go hoomeee.." whined La. Mark instantly snuggled closer to her and she clamed down a bit. Within no time, the Hummer was full up of fuel and they were on their way back to the city and the hotel. There were lots of interesting noises. Every so often, something would growl, and La would yell. Roger looked out thoughtfully.

"Are lions nocturnal?"

"Yup." said Conrad. "They sleep during the day and hunt at night. We might see a few tonight!" said Conrad excitedly. Rhi shook her head.

"I swear, if we make it out of this alive..." she mumbled.

"We'll be fiiiinnneeeee" crooned Conrad. "What don't you trust me anymore?" It was then they turned onto the main road. Seeing as it was now close to six, Conrad wondered if anyone else was hungry. "Anyone want food? I'm sure there is a great restaurant around here somewhere." Mark frowned, remembering the comment about cannibalism. "Tee hee," giggled Conrad, "I mean does anyone want something besides human flesh?" They all raised a hand. "Good, lets head into town, my treat. Maybe we can get some shopping in." said Conrad. She told the driver their plan, but first she stopped at the ATM machine to get out cash. They found a decent looking place to eat, and sat down at a long table. Mark restrained his urge to stand on top of it and proclaim his beliefs."Please..restrain yourself.." said Conrad grabbing his arm. "They wouldn't even understand, they don't speak English!"

"Hmm.. what's this?" said Angel, pointing to a weird looking word.

"Hmm.. vulture." said Conrad. Lauren choked.

"Can you find something safe for me? Like salad?"

"Hmm.." Conrad scanned the menu. "Well this is a salad..with..err.. no not safe for you. Here I'll ask if they have anything American." She grabbed the first passing waiter and exchanged a conversation. "He said they have hamburgers, if anyone feels like not being exotic."

"Sure, ham, that's what they're calling it..." Roger laughed. Lauren sighed. "Apparently I won't be eating." she said. "Cause there's no way you're getting me to eat elephant brains."

"Its not elephant brains! If you wanted that turn to page 3, second line down.." said Conrad. Lauren shook her head.

"Nope. Not eating." Rhi frowned.

"Hm...I think I'm gonna try this soup, whatever it is. I mean who cares what we eat; our ancestors ate anything to stay alive!"

"Good point!" said Conrad. "I mean I'm just eating chocolate cake..but still! It's my treat so get whatever you want." About a half hour later, Rhi had her soup, Conrad had her cake, and everyone else had ordered something, except for La, who was picking off of everyone else's.

"Roger...can I have your roll? Please?"

"No way," said Rodger. "I have eaten a real meal in over a year, no fucking way you're getting my roll."

"Here, you can have mine," said Mark.

"No, you need food, you're too skinny." she said. Roger rolled his eyes.

"And what am I, huge?"

"No! I mean err.. I just want normal food!" cried La going into pouting mode.

"Fine, guys box up your stuff and Ill get the tab." said Conrad as she forked out a few bills on the table and took out a shiny card to pay for the meal. Palmer suspiciously followed Conrad to register.

"Hun, that's not your parents name on the card's slip." said Palmer. Conrad jumped back, not knowing Palmer was there.

"What? Oh I know.. it's actually my..err.. cousin." Conrad said, doing her best to put on a normal smile. Palmer frowned.

"Hun, you shouldn't be doing this."

"Has that ever stopped me? We need cash and this how I get it. **So** sorry if it's not morally correct." frowned Conrad. "Come on, its only 7:30 lets go shopping." "Hun, I don't wanna spend that money- it's not yours." "Well I do." said Conrad as she walked out to the nearest cultural shop. They strolled around, and Angel found an ethnic clothes shop.

"Oh...ooh...pretty!" she said, staring at the dresses through the window.

"Go pick a few out." nudged Conrad.

"Ohh.. well they are very pretty, sure you don't mind?" said Angel before running inside.

"I love making people happy."

"Well I bet whoever's card that is isn't very happy.." Palmer complained.

"What?" said Rhi. Lauren walked over.

"Powwow? What's going on?"

"Conrad's using someone else's card to pay for everything." said Palmer.

"Hun, it's not a big deal. Really. I'll pay it all back..later." said Conrad. "Now go buy souvenirs." Lauren frowned.

"That's...not good." she said.

"Look, either drop it now or I'm getting on a plane and leaving." said Conrad, sounding more irritated than ever. Roger knelt next to a crate going through some local African music cassettes.

"Do you want one?" said Conrad.

"Uhh..actually this one looks cool.." he said, not trying to sound beggish. Conrad gave him a few bills.

"That should be enough." Lauren and Palmer looked at each other.

"She really shouldn't be doing this..." Conrad shot them an evil, evil, glare.

"Shut..the...fuck..UP." she snarled. La rolled her eyes and looked around.

"Oh lord, we lost Mark."

"Well go find him." said Conrad, now shuffling through some handmade skirts. La ran off to find Mark. Rhi walked up to Roger.

"Whadja buy?"

"Uhh.. just some tribal stuff. Should be interesting." said Rodger, trying to the read the label on his tape. After emerging with a large shopping bag and Angel, Conrad suggested that they go back to the hotel. They looked around.

"Where's La?" Palmer asked.

"Where's Mark?" Collins added. Angel laughed.

"Don't want to know."

"Do you think they can get back on their own?" said Rhi. "Uhh.. nope." said Palmer. "We can't just leave without them." La wandered back.

"Guys, I swear, I think we lost him. Oh god, what if he's getting eaten!"

"Oh come on, he's not being eaten, where could he have gone anyways?" said Roger. Rhi sighed.

"All I want is to go back and sleep..." she complained.

"I like her idea," said Rodger. "Here I'll go back to the hotel with her." They both turned to leave when Palmer butted in

"I think Ill come too." La whispered,

"Thanks." When the three of them got back, Roger called Mimi. Strangely, there was no answer. He left a message, now sounding concerned,

"Hey, baby, it's me Rodger, where'd you guys go? I'm worried, sorry I didn't call back yesterday. I love you!" Back at the marketplace, La was going into meltdown mode.

"Guys, I'm scared! Honestly, what if something's captured him, or he was attacked by lions or vultures, or he was robbed..."

"Hun, he had no money anyways!" said Conrad. It was just then that Mark came running out from an alley, with a chain of older merchants chasing and screaming at him in Swahili.

"Oh good lord," Angel said, while Collins stood in front of her for protection. Mark finally reached his friends while Conrad went over to try and smooth things out with the old ladies.

"MARK! YOURE ALIVE!" screamed Lauren as she ran up to hug him. He just shrugged and said

"Barely, I was just looking at the fruit when one of them accused me of stealing something, and I didn't know what they were saying so I just ran and now..this..ugghh I'm sorry." Angel shook her head.

"Mark, I swear, you're not going anywhere alone anymore." Mark just blushed,

"Let's go back.." Back at the hotel, Roger got up, went out his door, started walking, and ran into Rhi in the hallway.

"Oh, sorry." he said.

"Oh no, its fine" smiled Rhi as she gently ran her fingers through her hair.

"Uh...I thought you were sleeping?"

"Oh no.. I'm not err sleeping.. but I am..err..alone." said Rhi, trying to sound as alluring as possible. Roger raised any eyebrow. "They haven't come back yet?" he asked, oblivious.

"Uhh not yet.." Rhi said, now sounding desperate.

"I'm sorry babe," Rodger finally said, "I have AIDS."

"I know." said Rhi.

"Oh no.." said Rodger. Rhi shrugged.

"And you have Mimi, so..." she trailed off. Palmer was standing behind her door, fuming.

"RHIANNA LEE VOGAN!" she bellowed. "Get in this room right now." "Palmer go away." said Rhi. Palmer just threw her hands up and stormed back into bed. It was then that the rest of the crew came up from the elevator. Roger and Rhi looked up at the crew.

"He was being chased by _fruit ladies_," Conrad said before they could ask. Rhi snorted.

"Fruit ladies, eh?" said Rodger. "I'm sure what ever they had was sweet." Lauren scowled.

"Rhi, I thought you were going to _bed_." she said.

"Well you didn't think I wanted to go by myself, now did you?" smirked Rhi. Lauren scowled.

"I'm going to go get a banana from Conrad's room, and I expect you to be sleeping when I get in there. _Alone_." she added. Rhi just giggled as she walked into her room, curious to see if Rodger would follow. He didn't, so she had no choice but to fall asleep, alone. Lauren stormed around Conrad's suite.

"I mean, honestly! Like he can't control himself. He seems perfectly happy with Miss Mimi, why's he have to play with her like that?" she asked, slamming a banana on the counter.

"If you squish that banana on my counter you're going to scrub it till your fingers fall off." said Conrad. "And besides, let them have their fun, geez. If she gets hurt, she gets hurt. As long as she gets her fun then who gives a damn?" Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Honestly." she said, peeling her banana and sitting down. "Shs got phellings toof."

"Well she's a big girl. She'll be fine." said Conrad, cleaning up what Lauren thought to be an invisible mess. Lauren frowned.

"Did Mark just kind of leave? I hope he's alright..."

"Why don't you go check on him?" chuckled Palmer. Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Oh leave me alone." she said.

"OOH LOOK I HAVE COOKIE DOUGH!" exclaimed Conrad.

"Roger, you can't keep doing this to the poor girl," Mark was saying, putting on pajamas.

"What.. She's cute you know? Like a great one night stand." Rodger said, now stripping off his shirt. Mark threw a shoe at him.

"You need to stop looking at them like a piece of meat."

"What? They are something else?" said Rodger jokingly.

"You're horrible, you know that. You either decide whether you actually like this girl or stop playing with her." he said, hanging his sweater over the chair.

"I don't like her..but I could." said Rodger. "I don't know, its confusing with Mimi and everything.

"Speaking of Mimi, have you heard from her lately?" he asked, taking off his glasses.

"Nope. I called her and left a message. I'm kind of worried about her." said Rodger thoughtfully. Mark didn't voice what horrible thoughts flashed across his mind. "Oh. Night then."

"You don't think something could have happened to her, do you?" said Rodger as he climbed into bed.

"She's tough. I'm sure she's fine," Mark lied.

"Hmm.. ok." said Rodger, still sounding unsure. "Good Night." Lauren went back to her room, and tried to get ready for bed as quietly as she could. Rhi, however, was still awake.

"I can't sleep like this." said Rhi. La could hear the tears forming in her eyes.

"Like what, hun?" she asked, sitting on her bed.

"I need to know what's going on between him and me, and how soon I can make a real move." Rhi said, now tears streaming down her face.

"Oh honey...I told you not to get too connected," she said, hugging her. "I think he's just being a man and pulling the, "I'm a confused poor soul" card."

"I dunno, hun how can I not get connected when he's flirting so badly?" Rhi cried.

"Oh...hun. I'll talk to Mark and see if he knows anything, ok?" she hugged her. "And if he hurts you, I'll kill him, aids or not."

"Ha-ha, ok hun I can always count on you." Rhi smiled and fell asleep. After complete her bed time ritual, La went over to check on Conrad.

"La! err. Hi, what are you doing here?" said Conrad, seeming more jittery than normal.

"Conrad...are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Oh no.. I'm err.. fine..that's it just fine. Look! The TV is on! Ha-ha!"

"Honey...I think you should get some sleep...and let up on your pills..."

"NO! I mean.. no I'm not sleeping.. not now.. lookie TV!"

"Ok honey.. I'm gunna let you go.." said Lauren, now sounding concerned.

"YES! I mean..err.. do you want a cookie?"

"Hun, get some sleep. You need it." Lauren started to head for the door.

"No.. no sleep. I have work to do.." said Conrad, getting up to show La to the door. Once La exited and she though the road was clear, Conrad snuck out of her room and down the elevator to the lobby, where a man was waiting for her.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey has anyone seen Conrad?" said Rhi, realizing there was no breakfast anywhere.

"Yeah, where is that little son of a bitch?" said Collins, still a little drunk from late night with Angel. Lauren frowned.

"I checked up on her last night. She seemed a little out of it, but other than that..." It was then that Conrad stumbled through the door, seeming more out of it than ever. She immediately ran towards her pill stash and popped a few more un-sleeping pills.

"Ok guys, who wants breakfast..breakfast.." said Conrad..slurring her words now.

"Honey...are you ok?" Lauren asked, walking over. She tossed the pill stash to Rhi, who hid them under her pillow.

"Yeah I'm fine- breakfast? I don't know what we have..maybe we could eat grass.. do you like grass?" said Conrad.

"Conrad, where were you sweetie?" Rhi asked.

"I was getting ice.." said Conrad, holding up an empty ice bucket. "They were out- how silly of them!"

"It doesn't take you 3 hours to get ice," Rhi said. Lauren nodded.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW? HAVE YOU EVER EVEN GOTTEN ICE? DONT JUDGE ME!" screamed Conrad before running into the bathroom.

"Conrad," Lauren warned, and turned to Rhi. "Watch her. I'm going to get Mark and Roger, maybe they'll know. Roger should know what it looks like to be overdosed, right?"

"Conrad, CONRAD OPEN THIS DOOR DAMN IT!" screamed Rhi as she jiggled the door knob. She could hear Conrad puking and cursing from inside the bathroom. Lauren rushed across the hall and knocked on the door.

"Come on, come on," she muttered, knocking impatiently.

"Just give her her space, Rhi. Maybe once she calms down she can tell us everything." said Palmer trying to comfort Rhi who was now in tears. Across the hall, Roger came to the door.

"We need help. Now. Conrad...something's wrong with Conrad. I don't know if it's all of her energy pills or what, but..." Lauren was nearly hysterical.

"Uhh.. what?" said Rodger, still a bit groggy. "Just come with me!" screamed Lauren as she grabbed his arm and drug into to her room. Pushing Roger into the room, she closed the door behind her. From the opposite door, Mark was looking as though he was very suspicious of something, and he slammed the door. Rhi was sitting on the bed, still slightly in tears. Palmer stood at the door.

"Honey, can you come out here? We need breakfast..." Conrad burst though the door.

"BREAKFAST!" She ran over the stove, grabbed a pot and began cooking.

"She was puking, and she's lost her mind," Rhi said.

"Oh my I love cooking. Isn't this fun! WHEE!" said Conrad twirling around with a scorching hot, empty pot.

"I mean...we don't want to sound rude but...do these seem like she's...high...or overdosed or something?" Rodger just sort of started on

"Well I don't think its smack; she's not shaking or crying. But I dunno, why don't we see what she has to say?" Lauren nodded.

"Honey...what's making you so happy?" she asked.

"I'm cooking! And I had just the most wonderful night!" exclaimed Conrad. Palmer walked over.

What happened in this night?"

"Oh it was just wonderful! We got it to work! Other scientists have been working on it forever, but it finally works! I got it to work." They all looked at each other. "Got what to work, love?" Lauren asked.

"IT!" Roger looked at the girls.

"What's she talking about?"

"We dunno." said Rhi. Roger looked her in the eye. "Conrad, what is this that you've made?"

"IT! Would you like breakfast?" Rhi grabbed Conrad by the shoulders.

"DAMMIT CONRAD, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!"

"I know," smiled Conrad. "That's cause it's a secret. No excuse me, but I'm going to bed." They watched as she went to bed, and Roger frowned.

"I think you guys should keep an eye on her. I'm gonna go get dressed," he said, looking down at his pajama pants and laughing. Lauren followed him out. "Anything else, you think?" she asked.

"I can't think of anything else. Now let's get some real food." said Roger.

"I thought you were going to put some pants on?"

"SHIT! Yup that's next on my to-do list." said Roger. Lauren laughed.

"Well thanks," she said, walking back inside the room. Roger opened the door, laughing.

"Someone please make sure she is breathing.." said La. It wasn't long until her snores echoes throughout the room.

"Yup, she's breathing." said Rhi. "Let's relocate." They walked into La's room, and as they passed, they thought they could hear shouts echoing from Mark and Roger's room. Lauren frowned, but Palmer pulled her along.

"Well what are we going to do," said Collins, "our main source of cash and planning is passed out over there." Lauren went to her bag.

"I've got 40 bucks, and I can pretty much assure you there's a starbucks and a McDonalds around here somewhere."

"Let's go down there then, I'm starving." moaned Collins. They agreed and met Mark and Roger on their way down the hallways to the elevator. Roger walked over to them.

"So we're going in search of a McDonalds?" he asked. They nodded. Lauren tried to catch Mark's eye, but he just stood there, annoyed.

"What's wrong?" said Lauren, wondering why he was upset.

"Oh don't give me that, I saw you practically drag Rodger into your friend's room just a little bit ago. If you don't want anything to do with me just treat me like a piece of meat!"

"I...wha...Mark!" she said, taken aback. Rhi turned to Roger.

"Oh shit." Palmer shook her head.

"Why's there always got to be drama?" she asked, pushing the button on the elevator.

"This is our life, hun." said Rhi as she tapped her foot waiting for the elevator.

"Mark, will you look at me?" Lauren asked as they got in the elevator.

"Just forget it, no, I don't feel like dealing with this, and where the hell is my fucking camera!" he scowled. Lauren just stood there, crushed.

"Well I'm so sorry, but before you flip out at me maybe you want to know **why** I dragged Rodger into my friend's room?"

"So you could fuck him like you fucked me?" sneered Mark. Lauren, now in shock,

"NO! NOT EVEN IN THE SLIGHTEST! MY BEST FRIEND PROBABLY OVERDOESED ON DRUGS AND RODGER JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE WHO COULD INDENTIFY THAT DAMN IT!" Rhi started smacking her head on the wall of the elevator. The bell rang, and Lauren stormed out of the elevator, and out onto the sidewalk, getting glances from the passersby. Roger turned to Mark.

"Yeah...you pretty much fucked up, dude."

"Oh my god, what have I done.." Mark, realizing how badly he had indeed fucked up. "I'll never be able to fix this." Palmer and Rhi walked behind the fuming La. "Oh this is so stupid, I can't speak a word of the fucking language and I'm pretty much stranded here with 40 bucks."

"So much for that idea of McDonalds.." said Rhi. "What the hell did Conrad do anyways, she knows we need her!"

"Oh who knows. The girl tries to do so much," Palmer sighed. Collins caught up with them, they'd left Angel with Conrad in case she needed anything.

"Er...why are we split in two like the red sea?" he asked, noting the girls up ahead.

"You missed the blow out, did you?" asked Palmer. "Err.. I guess so." said Collins, now really unsure of what was going on. Lauren spun around.

"Mark's just an ass," she said, spinning back around. Collins raised an eyebrow.

"Wow...I missed something big..."

"Yeah, you did." said Rhi.

"Basically, Mark blew up at La because she dragged Rodger into her room to try and save Conrad. So then La blew up at Mark for making those accusations and yeah..this is how it goes." said Palmer as she filled Collins in. Mark looked at the group talking, then turned on his camera.

"December 28th, 10 AM, I can pretty much go kill myself now. I messed up big and now she hates me. And it was worse than any fight I ever had with Maureen...because at least with Maureen...I was always right when she cheated." La just kept walking straight ahead.

"God damn I don't have any idea where we are going. This sucks major ass. I should just go jump over that bridge." she cried.

"Hey, well that's better than jumping over the moon." joked Collins. Roger laughed slightly, but everyone else glared at him.

"Wha? It was a joke..err..nevermind." as Rodger just turned to kick the dust on the ground.

"Look I think we should just go back to the hotel and see if Conrad is feeling any better. Besides we can't get anywhere around here without her." suggested Palmer. They agreed and made their way back to the hotel. Trying to make conversation, Collins turned to Roger.

"Heard from the girls?"

"Back home? Nope. I called again this morning but still no answer. This is really starting to freak me out." Rodger said.

"Do you have Joanne's cell phone number?" Mark asked.

Nope, do you?" said Rodger.

No...Angel might," Collins said. They continued to walk. The wind blow, getting dust in their faces. Lauren began to cough.

"Wish I could do something, I feel so bad," sulked Mark. Roger shrugged.

There's not much you can do. You pretty much called her a whore, and only a select few people consider that a complement." At the sound of this Rhi whipped around

OH OH IM A WHORE IM A WHORE!" she said.

Point taken." said Rodger. Palmer turned.

Just let her cool. Her grudges only last so long." Roger just laughed at that.

"I can't believe you think this is funny." sneered Mark. "I'm having just about the worst day of my life, I've ruined the best relationship I've ever had with anyone besides my camera, not to mention all her friends hate me too and the only one who can get us anything around here is passed out in the hotel room and no one knows anything and I JUST STEPPED IN FUCKING GUM! AND YOU'RE LAUGHING!" Mark screamed. This just caused Roger to laugh harder. Collins couldn't help it. He watched Roger completely lose it and began chuckling himself. Roger was kneeling on the ground, looking as though he was going to piss himself right there. Rhi snorted at this, causing Alexis to begin laughing herself. La, now thoroughly pissed off that everyone was laughing at this situation, turned around to see the crowd on their knees but Mark standing alone with an identical look on his face of disgust. Alexis began gasping for air and snorting. She clapped a hand to her face, while tears were running down Rhi's face, and Roger was leaning on her for support.

"Will you all just cut it out!" said La as she stormed up the front stairs to the hotel. Rhi wiped her tears on her sleeve, while Mark shot a death glare at Roger. "Really mature," he scowled. When entire group got back up to the room, they found Angel nursing Conrad, who seemed at bit livelier now, with a quesadilla.

"I was cooking one up for myself," said Angel, "but the smell woke her right up. I can't explain it!"

"Mexican food turns me on." said Conrad slyly. Rhi laughed.

"Well we're glad you're--wait, Angel, you can cook? And you didn't tell us!"

"We're talking cheese, tortilla and microwave. I don't think you can really call that cooking." said Angel. Roger walked over.

"Well here goes my manlihood, I'm starving and there's food." He began to try and put the quesadilla together, spilling cheese all over the floor. "Damn."

"OHH! I CAN DO THIS!" screamed Conrad, leaping from the chair. Lauren smiled, while Mark frowned. For a moment, it flashed in his head that she didn't seem too ill, but he just shook his head.

"I'm an ass," he mumbled. Collins put an arm around him.

"Oh stop being so hard on yourself..."

"But man, you saw what I did!" said Mark.

"Ohh don't worry," said Lauren coming apparent that she had listened in on the conversation. "I don't hate you; I guess it did kind of look like I was cheating on you. But I would never, I lo.. I mean.. err.. like you a lot." She flashed a nervous smile. Palmer squealed, helping Conrad with some quesadillas. Conrad looked at her quizzically, while Mark was blushing slightly.

"So you don't wish me pain?"

"Oh of course I do," Lauren replied with a smirk. Collins straightened up,

"WHOA! WHAT IS THAT IMPLYING?" Lauren blushed and threw her empty water bottle at him.

"Oh be quiet Collins." "What?" he said now give Angel a fiery look.

"Guys! Look! I haven't forgotten how to cook! I think I forgot the capital of Lebanon but I can still cook!" said Conrad, making a quesadilla "the right way" in a hot scorching pan. Lauren smiled.

"Good to have you back. We were all really worried," she said. "Well I was rather worried myself," Conrad said. "But I recited the amendments and all was in order again! Look I can still speak Swahili too!" said Conrad excitedly as she went off into hypnobabble/swahili .Rhi smiled and sat on the edge of a bed. Roger sat next to her. "Uh...thanks for the help with her," Rhi said.

"Anytime." said Rodger slapping on a cute little grin.

"Well, I'm going to go change," said Conrad. "I'll clean up when I get back and we can head out for the day. Anyone have any ideas?" They all shrugged, and Lauren smirked.

"Anywhere, as long as there aren't any rabid fruit ladies around," she laughed.

"I think there are rabid fruit ladies in every culture!" said Mark, now mocking one of the women who had chased him the night before. Lauren grinned. Rhi rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, she can't even fight with him for longer than a half hour..." she scowled."I think that works well in marriage." smirked Rodger.

"WHAT?" said Palmer as she whirled around nearly spitting her orange juice on Collins. Collins wiped the spray off of his arm.

"Thanks for that...I'll smell like oranges now...and drool..."

"Oh baby you'll smell like that anyways." laughed Angel.

"Whoa whoa whoa, marriage!" questioned Palmer, still utterly shocked at the comment.

"WHO'S GETTING MARRIED?" asked Conrad, popping her head out of the bathroom. "I am SO not wearing a dress..."

"Oh yes you are!" screamed Rhi back. "You'll get over it." Lauren shook her head.

"Wait you and Rhi are getting married?" Angel scowled.

"But what about Mimi?"

"WHOA! It was a joke! No marriage! I have AIDS remember!" stated Rodger, taken aback by all the drama.

"I'm still not wearing a dress," said Conrad, unaware that the subject had changed. Lauren laughed.

"She's so smart and yet so clueless."

"NU UH!" said Conrad, turning back into the bathroom and smacking her face off the door. Lauren put her face in her hands, shaking with laughter. Rhi laughed. "And these are my friends..."

"Well at least we're not on drugs!" said Conrad, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "Oh wait.. nevermind. WE ARE ON DRUGS!" Palmer shook her head. "You're all crazy. I'm gonna go take a nap till we leave," she walked out.

"Uhh hun, I think we're leaving now." said La.

"Well where are we going?" asked Angel.

"Well what haven't we done yet?" asked Rhi. "We're in freaking Africa. What have we always wanted to do in Africa?"

"I got to feed live giraffes so I'm good." said Conrad with a huge grin on her face just from thinking about giraffes.

"Well there has to be one thing some of us have always wanted to do..." Angel frowned.

"Hmm, why don't we go site seeing like other tourists do?" suggested Rodger.

"Cause Mark will step in 'fucking gum' again," Lauren teased.

"Ohh err.." said Mark as he bent over to scrap the gum off his shoe.

"Guys here, didn't you say you wanted food? I'm sure we can go out again. We'll find something fun- this is us!" said Conrad. Lauren laughed, and they all piled back into the elevator. This time there was no screaming...but the pair of them still didn't seem to be talking. But that's only because they were too busy making out. Collins laughed.

"Well...they settle things quickly..." Palmer just laughed

"See I told you her grudges don't last too long." Roger snorted.

"I didn't know he could do that..." he stared at the pair of them, who were oblivious to the fact everyone was staring."What do you think they'd do if we left them in the elevator?"

"Wanna find out?" chuckled Conrad as she pressed the "Close door" button on the panel. The group quickly ran out and left the two love birds on the elevator.

Rhi laughed.

"She's gonna kill us..."

"If she ever gets out of there" snorted Conrad. "It won't take too long. The numbers are in English at least." Collins looked at her.

"But I don't think main floor is..."


	6. Chapter 6

"Guys, seriously, what if they get like stuck in there?" said Palmer, sounding seriously worried.

"Then we'll hear the screams from out here." said Conrad reassuringly. Rhi giggled.

"You know, now that I think about it, I don't think they'll MIND getting stuck in there..."

"Oh honestly, I didn't want to picture that," Roger said, looking ill. Just then Mark and Lauren came bursting through the front door.

"I can't believe you guys did that!" said La looking exhausted.

"Oh you know you loved every minute of it!" said Rhi. At this Lauren turned a bright shade of cranberry.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" said Mark provocatively. Collins laughed and turned to Angel.

"Oh...our little Markie is growing up," he said, wiping away a nonexistent tear.

"Well I can think of someone else who needs to grow up." said Angel with a wink.

"So where are we going?" Lauren asked, still slightly pink.

"Uhh, well, how bout the music store?" said Conrad, pointing to a folk instrument store right down the street. "Something different, eh?" Roger's eyes lit up at what seemed to be an ancient guitar in the front window. He didn't move for a good five minutes, while the rest of them went inside. Angel walked towards the drums.

"These sure ain't no pickle tubs..."

"That's for sure." said Collins as he sorted through a box of tribal instruments. "You know, these would make great sex toys.." Rhi snorted, while Palmer began shaking some type of tambourine.

"LOOK GUYS IM A DANCER!" said Palmer as she twirled and whirled landing on a pile of tourist t-shirts. Lauren tripped over a low basket on the floor.

"Oh damn," she said, landing on her ass. Mark quickly went over to help her up, planting a kiss on her forehead as she stood up.

"I swear, if he starts calling her pookie..." Roger said, walking in and going over to more guitars and mandolins.

"At least we'll know where he got the line from." said Conrad. Rhi raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think La is even stupid enough to fall for that."

"Hun, do you even know the girl?" said Conrad. "She'll fall for anything, especially the guy of her dreams."

"Good point." Rhi said, eyeing Roger quickly.

Lauren walked over, smirking. "What's up guys?" she asked. "How cool are these things?" she asked, showing them little cymbals, and proceeding to drop them on her toes. "Ow shit."

"You're too clumsy for this place." said Rhi practically pushing her out the door. Conrad walked over to Rodger who was slowly turning the tribal guitar around in his arms.

"Hey," said Conrad, "whatchu got there?"

"Ohh, it's a guitar," said Rodger "Isn't it beautiful?"

"But of course!" said Conrad, "How much?"

"Uhh.. I dunno I can't read Swahili." said Rodger. Conrad ripped the guitar away from him and read the price tag.

"Hmm.. well that's about $450 American dollars. Do you want it?" said Conrad.

"What? You can't be serious. I'd love it."

"Well today is your lucky day," says Conrad, "you need a present to show off, don't you?" smiled Conrad.

"Ill pay you back, I swear," said Rodger, "I don't know how though."

"Empty promises fill up my jar of life." said Conrad. "Don't worry about it my treat!" she said as a huge flirtatious smile inched across her face. Rodger just chuckled as Conrad tied some ribbon around it and handed the guitar over to its new owner.

"So where did you get all this money anyways?" said Rodger.

"I have my ways.." said Conrad, hoping he would get the clue to drop the subject. They continued on their way some more. They read the signs.

"Antique tribal vases and dishware," Palmer read aloud, and then watched as Lauren tripped on the sidewalk. "Oh hell no."

"We'd better not go in there," said Rhi noticing the "You break it you buy it" sign. "Don't wanna make Conrad buy the whole fucking store."

"Why am I the klutzy one?" Lauren asked, frowning. It was then that Mark tripped over the same bit of sidewalk that La had. Roger and Rhi looked at each other. "That's disgusting," Roger laughed.

"Ha-ha" laughed Palmer. "Klutz in Love- sounds like it would be great as a musical on ice!" They just looked at her.

"Ooh...it's SHINY!" they said, noticing what looked to be African clothing in new wave style...tribal prints made out of metallic fabric. Angel just sighed

"Wouldn't it be nice to get away from American stuff for one day?" Collins just smiled as he slid his arm around his waist, "That can be arranged my dear. I can guarantee I'm one hundred percent un-American." Lauren rubbed her eyes.

"It's too bright. It's like the African disco ball of doom."

"Come on, come on, don't be distracted by..GIRAFFE!" screamed Conrad as she ran into a giant toy store on the main street. Lauren laughed.

"Shall we follow?" They entered. Once inside they immediately saw what had caught Conrad's eye. A giant 7 foot tall plushie giraffe was the first thing to see. Conrad was now hugging it, and refusing to let go.

"I'm having them ship this home for me. They said they would."

"Holy shit, hun" said Palmer eyeing the creature up and down. "How much does it fucking cost?"

"Only like $350..." said Conrad quietly.

"You've lost your god damn mind..." they all said. Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"Where the HELL are you going to put that thing?" she asked. Rhi laughed.

"That's not a stuffed animal, it's a fucking COUCH."

"Uhh beside my bed..duhh." said Conrad as she signed the sales receipt. Mark shook his head, while La rolled her eyes.

"You're on drugs," she said, turning, and then gasping. "OH MY GOD. IT'S A RUFFAH!" she ran over to what resembled a Barbie doll. Lauren set the Barbie doll down, and they continued on their trip. Lauren shook her head as they passed what appeared to be a store for strippers. "God...you can't get away from them anymore," she said, as Angel and Collins eyed each other and ran in. Rhi rolled her eyes, while Roger frowned.

"Come on," said Mark to La, "Let's go and explore."

"What's THAT implying?" said Rhi. Conrad and Palmer looked at each other and started cracking up. Lauren shook her head.

"No. No and no. You are not getting ME into a latex cat costume. No."

"Come on, it will bring back memories. Please, for me, pleeeaaassseeee!" crooned Mark as he pulled off a classic Pookey face.

"You WANT memories brought back?" she asked, shocked. Palmer rolled her eyes.

"Where's the drugs?" Roger and Rhi asked at the same time.

"I just need to know that someone out there looks better in a cat suit than her..please?" said Mark, still holding his face at Pookey perfection.

"Oh guys, how am I supposed to resist that face?" said Lauren now pulling a Pookey face of her own.

"Oh that's easy," said Rhi as she walked over to Mark and slapped him across the face.

"OUCH! I so wasn't expecting that." said Mark now holding his face.

"RHI!" Lauren screamed, and ran over to Mark. "Are you ok?"

"Uhh yeah, I'm fine." he said, still rubbing his face, "but I'd be better if you go in there and find a cat suit for me."

"Yeah, if YOU plan on wearing it then sure." she smirked. Palmer snorted.

"But I want to see you... don't my feelings mean anything to you?" cried Mark.

"This is better than Days of our Lives..." Rhi muttered.

"Oh...stop with the face..." Lauren whined.

"Not until it works." said Mark.

"You watch that too?" said Rodger. She nodded.

"Gummy bear?" she asked, holding out the bag she'd pulled from her purse.

"Markie, I don't wanna..." La pouted.

"It's only for meeee.." Mark said now holding her closer and running his finger down her cheek.

"This disgusts me," Palmer said, walking away. Collins and Angel came out of the store, carrying about six different bags.

"Markkk..." Lauren pouted. "I don't want to; it would make me feel uncomfortable. And it would make me unhappy..."

"But it would surely fulfill my wildest fantasies.." said Mark. Rhi snorted.

"This is ridiculous," she said, chewing on the gummy bears. Angel raised an eyebrow.

"What are they talking about?" she asked.

"A cat suit, need I say more?" said Rodger raising an eyebrow.

"Cat suit?" said Angel, "Oh well they have like six of them in there." Lauren scowled. Mark smirked.

"There you have no excuse. Come onn.." he said pulling her hand toward the door. Lauren scowled.

"First you call me a whore, now you're making me dress like a hoebag..." she continued complaining as he yanked her in the store. Rhianna laughed.

"I need a picture of her in this...NOT FOR THAT REASON!" she said, noticing Roger's expression. Ten minutes later, they came back out of the store. Mark was beaming, and Lauren was fuming, wearing a headband with plastic cat ears. Rhi ducked behind Roger so as Lauren wouldn't see her laughing.

"Guys, shut up." said Lauren. "We're going back to the hotel, NOW." she fumed. Mark's eyes lit up at this idea so everyone followed. It was around three o clock. Naps would be a good idea before they all went out for dinner. They enjoyed take-out in the middle of Africa for a relaxed evening of fun and movies. The morning of their last day, it was bittersweet. Some of them were very glad to be getting out of Africa, while others were slightly heartbroken, and others were slightly oblivious.

"Guys, this is like it!" said Conrad, a mix of excitement and sadness. "Damn, I'm going to miss this place.." she trailed off as she folded her clothes into her bags for the four thousandth time. Lauren nodded. She turned to Conrad and whispered.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with a latex catsuit?"

"Uhh, Id take it with you, if I'm not mistaken, it holds some very special memories.." Conrad smirked. Lauren hit her with a pillow.

"I don't want to leave...do you think it would be illegal for he and I to live here? Like...now?"

"Well, considering your Swahili skills, it's probably not a good idea. But I'm sure you guys will be great pen pals!" said Conrad encouragingly. Lauren hit her.

"I can't do this! And Rhi's even worse...she didn't get her guy, and you know how often that happens. Basically NEVER."

"Oh hun don't worry about Rhi. You never know what could happen. And besides she doesn't always get her guy." said Conrad. Lauren shrugged.

"What are you wearing to the shin-dig tonight?"

"Me? Ohh well, I went out like three am last night and picked up some tribal stuff." said Conrad as she held up a loose African dress and a black pair of pants for underneath. "Look, these necklaces were made by people here. This symbol is a really important one of Hanukkah. And this one means life." Lauren turned to her.

"Ok Conrad...get some sleep..."she giggled."Hanukkah..." she snorted and walked out of the room.

"But its twelve thirty in the afternoon! I can't sleep now!" said Conrad sounding really confused.


	7. Chapter 7

Five hours later, everyone was piling back into the stretch hummer. Lauren was trying her best not to cry, and Rhi was trying to be as attractive as she could be...and she wasn't going to have ANY boundaries.

"Geez," said Palmer as she tried to gather her skirt back into the hummer before slamming the door, "Couldn't you be a little decent?" Rhi shrugged. Lauren handed her a napkin.

"Here. Have a dress."

"Thanks." said Rhi as she threw it over her shoulder. Conrad was the last one to get in after checking out of the hotel.

"You guys ready?" she said now giggly with excitement, "It's our last night in Africa, lets try to have a freaking awesome time, mkay?" They all nodded as the Hummer speed off and Collins popped off a bottle of champagne. Lauren couldn't help it. She immediately started bawling.

"I don't want to leave! I mean barely a week ago I was some lame loser with weird friends in Pennsylvania. Now I'm some lame loser with weird friends in Africa, sitting in a stretch hummer having the time of my life and I don't want to goooooo..." she sobbed.

"Oh hun," said Rhi as Palmer caught her arm right before she slapped La. "Snap out of it! These memories are going to last a life time no matter what. Leave the bawling for when we get really home, okay?" Collins poured into everyone's glasses.

"To the friendships, loves, and adventures we've had here. To Africa!" toasted Collins. "TO AFRICA!" they all said then threw back their drinks. They got to the party, and Lauren laughed, thinking back to a week ago when she'd been desperately trying to get Mark to like her...she sniffed.

"But I love you now," he whispered into her ear as if he could read her mind. Damn, there was something too sexy about him, and for once it wasn't the scarf. Angel and Collins were dancing around to the tribal drum, already drunk, while Palmer was doing an interpretive dance. Lauren giggled, and then Roger threw his hands in the air and decided to "boogie and get down." Conrad was walking around the market scooping up anything she could for a good deal. It was an amazing night. The priest delivered an amazing message in Swahili which Conrad translated. After hours of fun, the group cuddled up next to the dying fire pit for one last reflection of Africa.

"When do we leave?" Palmer asked.

"The plane leaves one am this time so we'll get in tomorrow back home in the afternoon." said Conrad. "This place is so beautiful." she said wishfully starring up at the perfect deep purple, star sprinkled sky.

"I'm not leaving." Lauren said firmly. They laughed.

"What, you think you have a choice?" laughed Conrad.

"Guys, seriously though," said Angel now snuggling with Collins, "this place is truly amazing. Lets try to come back one day, I mean we're still young, and we've got life in us too. But even if we don't get back, let's never forget. This place brought to together complete strangers into the best friends I've ever had. To us, to life, to love. So let's remember the love." Tears now welled at each of their eyes as they gathered for a huge group hug. Lauren crumpled down, beginning to bawl again.

"Damnit I hate being the crybaby." she moaned.

"Come on guys," Conrad said, dabbing tears away from her eyes, "before I lose it. And besides, this African wine won't say cold forever.." With one final look into the night sky, Mark closed the evening perfectly.

"There is no future, there is no past.." sang Mark as he wiped a tear from his eye, "Thank GOD this moment's not our last.." as he bent down and kissed Lauren. They drove to the airport, and got on the plane. Everyone was silent; they were trying to pretend this wasn't actually happening.

"We're not leaving, we're not leaving," Rhi kept muttering, glancing at Roger. After everyone had fallen asleep, Conrad sat wide awake and listened to her iPod. Her mind was rushing with a million things. Africa had changed her, more than anyone she thought. But she just hoped everything would be in order when they got back. Lauren woke up around 8, and looked over at Mark, who was drooling. She giggled, and turned to see Conrad actually sleeping. She smiled. Conrad peeked her eyes open seeing that Lauren was looking. She wasn't really asleep, but she had noticed La starting to wake up earlier. She didn't want her to get mad her for not sleeping. The plane made its final touchdown two hours later, noon New York time. They piled off, and waited for their luggage. No one seemed to be saying anything. When everyone finally had their luggage, they sort of just stood there, no one actually wanting to say goodbye. "So...is this really...the end?" Palmer asked, looking at Conrad, as though she expected her to make this decision too, since she'd made all the others.

"You guys should come to our apartment." said Mark, eyeing Lauren particularly.

"Well I suppose we could. It will be a nice official place to say goodbye, don't you think?" When the group arrived at RENT apartment, everyone's jaw just dropped. No one could have predicted it. No want had wanted to. Mimi was there. But she wasn't alone, for Benny was sitting on her too. Together they painted the perfect picture of intimacy of a nightmare. Roger just froze. Mimi just started shaking, showing that her drug addiction had started up again.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." Mimi begged.

"No, it doesn't work like that." Rodger said. He walked over to Rhi and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him too. Mimi started to cry and shake more. Benny just sat there and shook his head. Conrad was the only one who didn't look surprised.

"Did you know about this?" said Rodger, now sobbing. Conrad just stood there quietly.

"Yes." She simply said, no emotion, just the same stone cold look on her face.

"Conrad, what is going on? Ever since we left you've been even weirder than usual. What the fuck has happened to you?" screamed Palmer.

"Look, this is how it goes ok? See Benny, paid for the trip. He gave me his alternate card so the signature wouldn't be recognized. He wanted Mimi back, and I wanted Rhi and Rodger together. So we came up with this great plan. So every night I'd meet one of Benny's associated and give him some drugs. He'd get them to Benny and Benny would drug Mimi with them. That's where I was all those nights. And Benny called me on a payphone, that's why I snuck out that night to go get the call. Oh and the cab driver, he was working in on this too. So when Benny told me the drugs had gotten Mimi hooked again, I went out and had a few too many drinks,"

"Conrad, that's so unlike you! How could you do that?" asked Rhi. She was ecstatic to have her man, but she wondered if it were merely just a rebound. Conrad just continued.

"But now it's done. My job here is done. But it's turned out even better. Who would have ever thought a silly little plan with a stupid little contest that wasn't even real, would make all my dreams come true?" She just smiled. Her work was done and she couldn't be more proud. Mark's eyes widened.

"Wait…it wasn't real? THAT SUCKS!" Lauren smacked him in the arm.

"Shut up, I think my best friend is working for the FBI…" No one had noticed Mimi violently convulsing on the couch, and Benny walking out the door. Suddenly, there was a soft choking noise, and everyone turned.

"Mimi looks a tad blue…"


End file.
